into the twilight

let my tears fall in the salty water
there is no answer for this
keep going
keep eating
keep breathing
somehow
dream on
that is as close as you’ll ever get
there are crocs in the river
that could answer this prayer
but too savagely
a monoxide tank is too premeditated
i could just swim out
and die horribly
but for the last time
please for the last time
let me go
please

Let the Water Carry us Away

The healing warm waters, uncluttered by human garbage. Full of sadness and aloofness, a story of everything, how it just is. It will carry me, swelling up, to the forgetfulness I long for. My body moves as it should, with a distinct absence of anguish. The oppressive heat cannot touch me as long as I stay wet; the water protects me. I feel only basking warmth, and know the cold cannot touch me here. It cradles me, it bears me up, bears my weight, such a crushing burden, and I taste freedom. I leave it pleasantly spent, leaving behind all manner of intangible toxins, worries, fears, anxieties, memories. This sea is large enough to dilute them, to swallow them all. Eventually wearing down the roughness, I shall be smooth like a beach stone.

come away

Come away, O human child
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand
For the world’s more full of weeping
Than you can understand

This poem has haunted me since I first heard it in A.I. I always wanted to be that child, to be led away from all of the weeping that I came to understand. It never occurred to me I could be still. The weeping persists of course, it is a constant, and no dream will take it away. I am frustrated by the lack of understanding of the weeping when it is easily seen; they seem to prefer whatever dream of life they have. The weeping is deep and pervasive; how shall it ever allow us to live? What guilt should be mine, in comfort while innocents weep? But I have wept; shall I not now live if I have a chance? I was innocent once; could I not be carefree again, diving under water, forgetting to breathe? But the waters and the wild hold their share of danger as well. The road ahead will always be dark, but it is all there is.